I am a seeker. I energise. I have worries.

If I were to describe who I am in one word, it would be “seeker”. If I were to describe what I do in one concept, it would be “I energise”. If I were to describe what I currently have, it would be “worries”.

This is now. I am a work in progress.

What I am is more permanent than what I do. What I have is the least permanent. And I am thankful for that.

From the age of 14 I was seeking the answers to existence through physics. My thought was that if I didn’t get the Nobel Prize in physics, life was not worth living. Turning 18 I got into Scientology and by 23 I started working professionally with L. Ron Hubbard’s administrative technology. 10 years of seeking answers through physics was replaced by 10 years of seeking to change the business world through LRH admin tech, which in turn was replaced by 10 years of seeking to help change the world through free software.

My physics ambitions were somewhat off. My admin tech purpose was seriously flawed and my free software purpose was fulfilled as Open Source entered mainstream.

Along the way I have come to understand that I thrive the most when I can energise others. Individuals and groups alike. Energising people through coaching or on a stage in front of many. I can help most any person through sharing knowledge and by catalyzing their own energy and intention. People prosper, groups prosper as I energise.

When I am not enough of a seeker or I do not energise enough, I worry. I need a goal, not for reaching, but reaching for. And I need to help others by making them seek their own ways.

As the battle for free software was softly won, my overriding purpose died away. I got worried. Floundering. Like a ship lost at sea. It is still that way, only I recently understood that I am in fact seeking something. I am seeking a purpose for my seeking. And that helps somewhat.

As I said, I am a work in progress.

Just wanted to share my thoughts on this.

Try this “anagram’ing” in a Linux/Unix terminal:

echo "G E I R I S E N E" | awk '{ print $3" "$2$8$7$4$1$5$6$9 }'

82 thoughts on “Seeker

  1. I ENERGISE — thank you for introducing AWK to me. I like Linux, but somehow I’m not able to push myself learn it for real.

  2. I was so moved by this post. It really struck a chord and I bet it will with others too. That’s about all I can articulate for now. Thanks, Geir, for being a courageous, free spirit. 🙂

        1. I wouldn’t doubt you are as much (maybe more) an energizer “on the page” as you are on the stage. But I haven’t seen you on the stage! 🙂

  3. “I need a goal, not for reaching, but for reaching for”…
    Geir, it’s very touching, but as long as you are young, clever, happily married, nice family, settled down, why don’t you try to…find your rest? Metaphorically, of course…
    Lack of stress, life prolonged…

      1. Yeah I got that one real big in the church to the point it became abuse.

        I been told recently I am an old soul. Don’t know about that but I do teach and seek myself. I could do more creating though.

  4. Geir,

    These statement says it for me:

    When I am not enough of a seeker or I do not energise enough, I worry. I need a goal, not for reaching, but reaching for.

    A goal is something to reach for … something ATTAINABLE. This energizes me too.

    From a very early age, I too, have continued to seek – the runway seems long for me but at the same time, it seems a breath away.

    I always liked that line ‘keep your eye on the mountain’. I haven’t quite figured out what that mountain is – I know what it ‘feels’ like, I know I will know when I am there, but there seems to be a constant rush/urgency to get there – it is an unpleasant feeling – I flounder too.

    … ahh well, that’s something to handle:-)

    Thanks for this post … it’s got me thinking

  5. If I were to describe who I am in one word, it would be researcher.

    I am a researcher. I investigate. I have valid worries.
    (I used to be a traveler. I adventured. I had better worries and less obligations.)
    I research books, and other reading materials, and also get information from Facebooks and other sites.
    I investigate what I read, and I compare with my inner spirit for validity and for applicability.

    If I were to describe what I do in one concept, it would be “I get answers from my fingertips”. That means I often don’t read everything from beginning to the end of a book. I go for things that are important for the moment.
    If I were to describe what I currently have, it would be “better qualities of worries; curiosity; and millions of sparkling interests” that is hard to keep up with, since they grow every day.
    I also need long term and short term goals like everybody else.
    You might have noticed it is very hard to have 100 % exact same goals with someone else; and to compromise wont fulfill you to that degree. I have found out that it is much easier to have your own goals.
    That’s why I managed in my 90-ties to travel to South America with a back pack and to see places, live different cultures and learn Spanish without compromising with someone else or wait for someone else to be willing and having the same time frame. I did experience something different than most people.

    I swam with dolphins, I flew in an aircraft near volcano, I went fishing, I climbed a volcano, I experienced desserts, I visited mines, I experience forestry and how they cut trees, I was on tourist boats and private race boat. I swam in a big lake at night, I had beers, I went to night clubs, I learned how to dance Salsa, I was on the first page in a newspaper with the ex President Patricio Aylwin of Chile by chance in Punta Arenas, very South of Chile, I shook hand with President’s wife twice and she walked with the President Frei next to her in Santiago, I saw famous singers, I beat one guy up in a movie place for improper behavior, I put a different guy in jail, I went to court, I swam in the ocean, I climbed hills, I experienced farms, I ate good food, the best food I ever had, I went to many markets, I was with the Mormons and the evangelicals, I saw Pinochet attending a funeral process with open car. I saw the Argentinean and Brazilian waterfalls, I travel with a bus all over, I was in a primitive train from Jujuy, Argentina to Cochabamba, Bolivia with the native Indians.
    I met American Supreme Court judge, Antonio Scalia on a boat with his secretary and other staff and we had a little talk. I was hit by a pickup truck, and had a few stitches on my head, and 24 hours observation in Puerto Mont Hospital and the following day I saw a newspaper article about Antonio Scalia and under his, a story about my accident for being hit far above the sidewalk with a pick-up truck etc. I guess with the good comes the bad.

  6. I appreciate this post Geir, I feel similar. By chance have you read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? It addressees not being comfortable with what is, it’s a great read

  7. One time in my life, I drove a cab. I once picked up a very insecure pretty girl who was smoking. She gestured to me with her hand asking if it was okay to smoke in my cab. I shook my head no and she put out her cig in total defeat.

    I realized she was not so awesome at this moment in her life.

    She got in and we started talking and I heard her story of defeat and self loathing. I saw a woman who was completely overwhelmed by life. As I was dropping her off I pointed out a person to her.

    “Have you ever seen one of those things?”


    “That thing in the coat walking across the parking lot. Ever seen one before?


    “Let me tell you about those things. That thing in the coat can see a BILLION colors. It is a conglomeration os 75,000,000 little living beings all working together to create a single being that can experience a cornucopia of emotions. It’s brain has more neural connections than there are stars in a million galaxies. It’s taste buds can experience hundreds of thousands of different flavors. And GET THIS – she can communicate. She laughs. She cries. She tell stories that and can be both logical and irrational at the same time! And she suffers so SO much. She’s waterproof – yet not one piece of her is plastic. And she can experience the stories of others and FEEL what they were like. And they can share stories of her own. Now, before you go I want to ask you something.”

    “What If you were lucky enough for just ONE DAY to be a LIVING BEING that amazing? What would you do?”

    She got out a bit puzzled said “bye” and walked away.

    Now, Geir, obviously you are NOT in a state of defeat by any stretch of imagination, but let me ask you a question:

    What if you do if you woke up tomorrow morning to find that for ONE DAY you were a astrophysicist, philosopher and software engineer who ran a company, had a great family and a great circle of friends?

    What would you do if you could be something THAT amazing.

  8. Very nice post Geir, it is so valuable to “Know Thyself” and then to be able to communicate it!

    And I would definitely like to confirm that you do a great job as an “energizer”, many times you have energized me.

    I would go farther, and say you are a “revitalizer”.

    Thanks for all that!

      1. That is very kind of you to say.
        I would like to think I can think accurately at least sometimes, but I often feel I am simply a cranky old man with a mean streak!
        That’s why I called myself the Feral White Russian from Manchuria.
        I do struggle with that side of myself, to let the Reason within me emerge as much as possible. But it is good to be able to disagree when Reason demands, even if I could do it more agreeably at times.
        So Thanks again for being my friend!

  9. May I quote this article here. It seems relevant to the subject.
    And might be of some interest and value to true seekers like yourself, Geir. 🙂

    Characteristics of Self-Actualized People
    Common Traits of Self-Actualized Individuals

    Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs that represented various needs that motivate human behavior. The hierarchy is often displayed as a pyramid, with lowest levels representing basic needs and more complex needs located at the top of the pyramid.

    At the peak of this hierarchy is self-actualization. The hierarchy suggests that when the other needs at the base of the pyramid have been met, the individual can then focus their attention on this pinnacle need. Self-actualization is described as “…the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially.”

    Self-Acceptance and Democratic World View
    Self-actualized people tend to accept themselves and others as they are. They tend to lack inhibition and are able to enjoy themselves and their lives free of guilt. Other people are treated the same regardless of background, current status or other socio-economic and cultural factors.

    Another major characteristic of self-actualized people is a sense of realism. Rather than being fearful of things that are different or unknown, the self-actualized individual is able to view things logically and rationally.

    Self-actualized individuals are often motivated by a strong sense of personal ethics and responsibility. They enjoy solving real-world problems and are often concerned with helping other people improve their own lives.

    Peak Experiences
    Self-actualization is also characterized by having frequent peak experiences. What exactly is a peak experience? According to Maslow, these “Feelings of limitless horizons opening up to the vision, the feeling of being simultaneously more powerful and also more helpless than one ever was before, the feeling of ecstasy and wonder and awe, the loss of placement in time and space with, finally, the conviction that something extremely important and valuable had happened, so that the subject was to some extent transformed and strengthened even in his daily life by such experiences.”

    The self-actualized individual does not conform to other people’s ideas of happiness or contentment. This original perspective allows the individual to live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of each experience.

    Solitude and Privacy
    Self-actualized individuals value their privacy and enjoy solitude. While they also love the company of others, taking time to themselves is essential for personal discovery and cultivating individual potential.

    Philosophical Sense of Humor
    Self-actualized individuals generally have a thoughtful sense of humor. They are able to enjoy the humor in situations and laugh at themselves, but they do not ridicule or make fun at the expense of another person’s feelings.

    Another characteristic of self-actualized people is a tendency to be open, unconventional and spontaneous. While these people are able to follow generally accepted social expectations, they do not feel confined by these norms in their thoughts or behaviors.

    Enjoy the Journey
    While self-actualized people have concrete goals, they do not see things as simply a means to an end. The journey toward achieving a goal is just as important and enjoyable as actually accomplishing the goal.

    1. While I appreciate Maslow and his work, he proposed a model, not a fundamental theory pointing to truth. It is a model for the apparency of life more than the actual underlying factors.

      1. Sorry, but for me, Maslow’s model gives better (not the best but better) explanaitions of human needs, beaviors, endeavors, aspirations…, yours and mine included,
        than any other “fundamental theory pointing to truth” which has “the actual underlying factors”.
        This “model for the apparency of life”, to me and imho, gives more valid insights into the actual state of affairs of any single individual at any given time than Hubbard’s “Be-Do-Have”, “KRC”, “ARC”, “Tone Scale”, “Dynamics” (Especially, “Dynamics”!), “Ethics Conditions”, and his other “Scales”.

        If I may recommend, I’d like you read the following chapters from this link
        (each chapter is highlighted there in read, and each is short reading)

        – maslow’s hierarchy of needs
        – what hierarchy of needs model is most valid?
        – maslow’s self-actualizing characteristics
        – maslow’s hierarchy of needs in advertising
        – interpreting behaviour according to maslow’s hierarchy of needs
        – maslow’s hierarchy of needs and helping others

        Disclaimer: I’m not advertizing psychology here. Just for the sake of calling spades the spades.

        1. I am referring to the underlying factor’s of existence – which by its nature must also be underlying any such model as Maslow’s. That is where my main interest lies. But by all means, and as I said, I do appreciate Maslow’s work.

      2. I feel complelled to add that Maslow’s theory and model are way more humanistic, humanitarian and constructive towards anything in life than any of Hubbard’s explanations of “Dynamics” (along with “optimum solutions” being “the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics” stuff).

          1. Me, neither.
            But I see how you still trying to make somethings out of Hubbard’s mind frameworks.

            Sorry, but: “I am a seeker. I energise. I have worries” is straight out of Hubbard’s “Be-Do-Have” (and along the lines of “Triangles” of which you posted earlier).

            Not that I mind… I’m just humbly offering different explanations that exist in this world to view the experienced phenomena from.

            1. Just as I am not stuck in Hubbard’s or anyone else’s writings, I am not indiscriminately rejecting any either. Knee-jerk rejections or acceptance are two sides of the same coin. I use what I find useful.

          2. Geir, you kept repeating your own statement.

            You are welcome to use what you find useful… but you are not welcome to treat people in a way you feel “useful” (if people don’t feel it the way you feel they should feel).
            You treat me in a way that is “useful” (to you but not to me and others that don’t feel like you).

            Words like “I am not indiscriminately rejecting any either” or “Knee-jerk rejections or acceptance are two sides of the same coin” don’t say a single word about your own position about what you have posted.
            It’s like your words to me are detached from what you said in your post above.

            I’d like to have more sensitivity on your part.

            1. I am posting my position on data. And that is in its simplicity: I am a seeker. I seek truth. I will take what leads me to that. And that has nothing to do with treating others. The next part, though has everything to do with how I treat others: “I energise”. And in that – the proof of the pudding lies with those who gets energised, not with my viewpoint on what I communicate.

          3. I can see your view of “I use what I find useful” but don’t see your “energizing” being useful to those who have never been and never want to be in Scientology (and even if they want to go in, you and I would want them to stay away and find some better things to do with their lives).

            1. Do you know what I a talking about when I say “I energise”? If you think you do, please tell me what you think I mean.

          4. You activate and motivate people to do things.
            You catalyse their inner needs to explode or become strong.

            (Sorry if my wording is wrong)

          5. I teach adults the English language.
            I do the same: “I energise people according to what they express they want”.

        1. Geir said : “I am posting my position on data. And that is in its simplicity: I am a seeker. I seek truth. I will take what leads me to that. And that has nothing to do with treating others. The next part, though has everything to do with how I treat others: “I energise”. And in that – the proof of the pudding lies with those who gets energised, not with my viewpoint on what I communicate.”

          Well, Geir, you are not the only one around here seeking the truth.
          Unlike many other *seekers of thruth*, I’ll let you go first. I’ll go after you and (if you let me do it) will see the truth after you… BUT – with my own eyes. (That, you be sure, I won’t let you cheat me in)

          “Treating others” has to do with being oneself.
          If you can “energize them” (unless I’m totally off the mark about your “energizing” – which I highly doubt) ,
          your treatment, your presentations in front of people, your power in front of audience and your ability to make them do what you want,
          is nothing else but an ability of human being to do what he can do at his level(s) of Self-Actualization.

          Sorry, Geir.
          But you haven’t invented anythng new to a human nature.

          1. My point has already been made. Thanks for posting it.
            Further posts are just in support of that point and pointing to it (initial post of mine).

  10. If I remember correctly, you have children, my friend !

    Thus I cannot see that you are NOT producing and that your value is LESS !
    You produce a part of THEM everyday, you are one of the pillars of their worlds,
    and to them your being is paramount and your value endless.

    Yes, there will be times when they view this differently 😀
    but then there will come other times when they most pbbly realize that this
    view was wrong.

    Though, I acknowledge your seeking and the restlessness a seeker has inside …
    Life is like a project and we are all WIP at times …

    1. Hey, great to see you reading my blog 🙂

      And yes, and yes, and yes to your comment.

      It’s a matter of getting rid of conditioning and other errors in my thinking.

      1. Thanks Geir, I appreciate that ! 🙂

        Yes I read your blogs whenever I find time and a subject of interest or I that can relate to …

        … and “Seeking” I can defn’tly relate to, yes 😛

  11. Geir,

    Several of those commenting seem to have taken your article as a cry for help. Could be. My take is that you’re primarily casting about for a new game.

    Some, who have been in Scientology, discover their next game by creating “The Church of Scientology” or the very subject of ‘scientology’ as an op-term. That ‘twist’ has not interested me nor do I think it exerts much charm for you.

    Back in the latter days of my high-school experience, around 1965, when my largest interest had me reading through the self-help and science stacks of the local libraries, it occurred to me that many authors had posited various ways to improve the ‘human’ condition but no one had really put it all together. I thought that might be ‘my job’ — in time. Rather a big job, really. Intimidating.

    Later, in the USAF, while rummaging through the Phoenix library, I discovered an old odd book: DMSMH. My that was exciting. Couldn’t get anyone in the barracks to try it out with me. Later still, while on post in Germany, I found a new paperback of DMSMH in the base exchange. Had a postcard you could send for — more books! “Oh my GOD! He went ahead and, “Built a better bridge” himself!

    At some point there, I explicitly realized that it was no longer necessary that I take on that job I had ‘mocked up’ in high school. Someone smarter, more charismatic, more energetic, and — a faster typist — had already taken it on and seemed to be doing splendidly. I didn’t have to do it. Whew!

    Some decades later, it now seems the job still needs doing. The religious trappings, that I first thought an ugly but necessary cover adopted to avoid un-necessary conflict took on increasingly a life of their own. The old happy slogan, “If it ain’t fun; it ain’t Scientology!” was less often heard and seemed almost to transmute into, “If you’re still having fun, you’re clearly not working hard enough. You must be a panty-waisted dilettante!”

    And ‘Ron’ changed from being one who openly culled the best ideas from extant literature to being the only valid ‘source’ of useful ideas. 😦

    One ‘definition’ of Scientology was, “The science of knowing how to know.” I liked that. Sadly, it seems too late (or too hard) to suggest, “Let’s put the science back in Scientology.”

    It seems, now, that there are two possible and important games that are still not being played:

    1. Investigate other’s proposed tech, ‘scientifically’, and certify it as workable under specified conditions and, if necessary, on what percentage of clients it works. If you will, a “Consumer Reports,” or a, “Good Housekeeping” ‘seal of approval’ for ‘workable tech’.

    2. Investigate, as in 1, but also create a delivery organization that only delivers ‘certified tech.’

    It might be that item 2, which combines the functions of certification and delivery, is — too awkward or currently too unacceptable to be viable at this time. Might be that, given a reputable organization that certifies tech (as in 1 above) that there could exist many separate organizations that deliver only ‘certified’ tech.

    Might also be that the hats of:
    1. Tech finder,
    2. Tech certifier, and
    3. Tech delivery
    should _always_ be distinct. Or, perhaps, only the second hat, “Tech certifier, needs enough — distance — to be reputable.

    Years ago, Ken Ogger, “The Pilot,” posted on the net a “What is; what isn’t” evaluation of Scientology. It was — interesting; but far from complete. It needs a reevaluation and to be redone and beefed up — scientifically if possible.

    Many Scientologists left (or were kicked out) who later started ‘off-shoots’. Some of those who started the ‘off-shoots’ may, indeed, have been simply — evil. I doubt that all were. Some may simply have liked the game and found another way to play. Some, surely, have ‘invented’ new tech. Useful tech. Who? How can we separate what is real from marketing ploys or self-delusion?

    Then too, what tech, reliably produces a nice, ‘key out,’ and what tech produces stable, long-lasting, or ‘eternal’ _demonstrable_ improvement?

    People clearly _wanted_ to believe that some Scientology tech would help them become more productive in their real life — in particular, that they’d make more income. That had to be the case or the ‘postulate check’ fad would never have worked. I’m guessing that a lot of people found that some of the tech, some of the time, did, for them, help them become more productive. Does “Power” or “Power Plus” do that — reliably? Should it? How do you find out? Scientifically? Certifiably?

    Given current prices in the Church, (and IAS depredations, solicitations, extortions) I expect that there are some OT’s who, by the time they left, did so with a mountain of debt. But there are probably many who remain solvent, seriously productive, and who _might_ be willing to fund a real foundation dedicated to discovering “what is; what isn’t,” or “what works, how, when and on whom.”

    If such a game holds no appeal for you, I can only hope that someone — of reliable integrity — takes it on.


    1. Nail. On. The. Head.

      Yes, that pretty much sums it up.

      And venting my thoughts is another way for me to find the way.

      And a game will emerge. And it may well be in the direction you describe above.

      In most of life I am rational and move by reason. But in my needed overall purpose I am passionate beyond anything else. I need to feel that urge, that longing, that call. It is a surge of life that beats the voice of reason. And I have found no way to summon it on command. It has so far emerged out from nowhere. And I suspect it will once more. But I believe that communicating all this may catalyze the emergence. We’ll see.

      1. Am pleased to have read you right. 🙂

        Personally, the only times I’ve experienced anything like the passion you describe were during a couple of tours in the Sea Org. I’m kinda assuming you don’t really want to go there.

        It’s not impossible that you could find an extant game that interests you, about which you could be passionate; but with your eyes set to ‘look’ and your integrity level dialed to ‘high,’ it seems likely you’ll need to create any game you’re fully willing to play.

        My postulates are set to on (and I’ve got my fingers crossed as well).

        Good luck.



      2. Geir, I have no advice right now,just a word: serendipity, and maybe some book and author recommendations.

        If your plate is full of books right now, the Wikipedia articles and book reviews have little nuggets in them that sum up the ideas.

        1. Georg Groddeck

        Here is Freud on Groddeck:

        “Now I think we shall gain a great deal by following the suggestion of a writer who, from personal motives, vainly asserts that he has nothing to do with the rigours of pure science. I am speaking of Georg Groddeck, who is never tired of insisting that what we call our ego behaves essentially passively in life, and that, as he expresses it, we are “lived” by unknown and uncontrollable forces. We have all had impressions of the same kind, even though they may not have overwhelmed us to the exclusion of all others, and we need feel no hesitation in finding a place for Groddeck’s discovery in the structure of science.”

        Here is Groddeck on himself:

        Toward the end of his life, many colleagues and admirers asked Groddeck to form a society that would promote his ideas. To this request, he would laugh and reply:

        “Disciples like their master to stay put, whereas I should think anyone a fool who wanted me to say the same thing tomorrow as I said yesterday. If you really want to be my follower, look at life for yourself and tell the world honestly what you see.”

        Another author is Arthur Koestler:

        I guess that’s enough for now!

          1. This thread seems like a good place for this, what I consider to be Russell Salamon’s best poem:

            I WOULD RATHER MAKE SIMPLER THINGS by Russell Salamon. Published 1976.


            Fire song bright day
            free and young the sky.

            I have been laughing in wind
            speaking from the sea.

            Flight of immortal dawn
            breaks from my eyes.

            Liquid immortal music of am
            happy carrying the sun
            in my tossing hands the sea
            urns of unchanneled
            mirth I spill and there is
            a song of bright day, life.


            Taking time from leaf,
            I know it is here.

            Breathing space from a flower,
            it’s perfume shocks me into
            lightning and I roar
            like the endlessmost ocean
            a song of life.

            It is here in the palm of my
            laughing. I carry the
            universe in my own looking
            and from the desire to be here
            I make it bright and free.


            Time comes from a laugh
            and when I have killed you
            or you have wronged me,
            it comes from a laugh we share over the long drink
            of universe, an aside
            in the home-bar where we drink
            lightning and call it sunlight
            and seeing sunlight we call it

            Mirth dances wild,
            show me your laugh and
            I’ll show you mine.


            Treasures of being shape
            the round cup of galaxy,
            I have been here often.
            I see you singing trees and
            water. I see you living
            down your reputation
            on the corner begging.

            Immortal universe maker,
            it is a good imitation of
            defeat and so real that it is
            and it pains me and I do not
            wish to join you
            and I will not join you.

            I would rather make simpler
            things like universes
            where we can laugh and not
            lose ourselves in the joy of


            Liquid immortal music of am
            burning bright the
            round cups of leaves
            to carry the stored sun
            to bring heavy gifts of thunder,
            stone, to oil the liquid sea
            with blood of torn sun,

            where we have stood divided
            for so long
            that to carry my love to you
            I have to build immortal bridges
            to speak my song to you
            and hope that the unwashed
            will peel from your ears.


            Decayed time, it is no longer
            water, creeps in stumbling
            armies off to war. Solid laughter.

            And to solve my love for you
            I have sent warring hordes
            to tell you, you are my friend.

            And it is a heavy thunder
            I burn for you
            to tell you you are mine
            and I will not harm you
            I do not wish to harm you,
            and I will kill you
            if you don’t believe it.


            Bring me liquid of your music
            and I will breathe you,
            for I need you.

            Without you this joy is not
            a game and without you
            I cannot carry the song I build.

            Without your eyes to laugh
            a sky
            I cannot carry the sun song
            nor the bright earth
            nor the languid or sanguine
            war and love bring.

            Without you to see with
            I have no eyes,
            no ears to touch you.


            For we have been lost
            torn apart
            by gnashing thunder and
            broken heart’s beat
            in the crushing green song
            of a gone universe.

            Each heart beat singes
            suppressed in
            the ravaged skeleton,
            gnats feasting on boulders,
            yet a defiant dawn lurches
            forward, at great expense
            we are singing.


            We who are feasting
            at our own celebration
            can hear the roar
            of the lost green thunder.

            Giant laughter
            on the abyss carries a
            wave of sun.
            Liquid immortal music of am
            moistens the roots of

            From our own song is
            weaved life
            and I can hear you


            Carry your heart in the
            liquid heat.
            I can bring you to the
            verge of song
            and there spill lightning
            of your own freedom
            whose dawn only you carry.

            And is not he who sings,

            And is not the place of
            salvation, you?

            And are you not beautiful
            and alive,
            are you not my friend?


            To tell you to sing
            is silly,
            you have never stopped

            To tell you something you
            don’t already know is hard
            for in your giant laughter
            strides open
            and the road you carry
            you lay before you.

            From your laughter
            you sow seas and life
            and as you sow so shall you


            Carry the dawn, carry
            the hill-free dawn of am.
            Carry the sunlight
            singing rain and rivers.

            Roaring black rocks
            liquify. It is their
            stored laughter to be

            And in freedom burning
            build a city that carries
            from stone to dreams.

            And there a city
            home beyond rain
            liquid immortal song of freedom
            and the day is bright.

    2. That is clearly beyond what a person needs.

      “Gary York” is clearly a one who wants you to be back into CoS (or agreeable with them). – Love the ways,

    3. Hmmm, I never read Geir as crying for help …

      More like :

      -Seems I have this puzzle I can’t figure out. My education etc. etc tells this should be like a 2+2 calculation, while quite a few other things in me (and/or around) implies that the answer may be 5.

      to borrow a concept from 1984. So is it the perception (of the answer) that is wrong, is it the calculation that is incorrect, or might it be both …

      … or maybe only a “Quo Vadis” …

  12. “Gary York”
    Geir, don’t you see that you are being used by “him”??

    – I see that whatever you’ve been aspiring to, has been used by Co$ to make you:
    1. go back
    2. feel detached
    3. make “some action”

    I’m sorry, but you are being used.

      1. I just made an assumption.
        Maybe it’s false. Or maybe not.

        Just wanted you to know what I felt.
        I might be wrong (as I sometimes am)

        No hard feelings.

  13. Good post, Geir.

    I get bored and/or worry if I don’t have anything to do but watch TV. And TV generally sucks. As an artist, I’ve just GOT to be creating, drumming, writing, etc.

    Your english is pretty good but sometimes I’m not certain if I’m duplicating you correctly. Did you mean that having a goal is better than reaching a goal? The trip is better than reaching the destination? If so, I can see how that could be. Being on a purpose can sometimes be better than completing a purpose.

    Kind of feels like a trap sometimes, having to always be busy, productive, passionate and moving toward goals.

    Worry: Maybe this is why we are so desperate to have bodies. Someone to be. Something to do. Something to have.

    Boredom. Economic hardship. GPM’s. Failed purposes. Abandoned purposes. Forgotten purposes: Maybe this is why people turn to drugs and alcohol or get cancer.

    Ahhhh, life in a body on earth.

    p.s. “Energize” is spelled with a “Z”.


    1. You: “Your english is pretty good but sometimes I’m not certain if I’m duplicating you correctly. Did you mean that having a goal is better than reaching a goal? The trip is better than reaching the destination? If so, I can see how that could be. Being on a purpose can sometimes be better than completing a purpose.”

      Me: Yes, it was a play of word: “I need a goal, not for reaching, but reaching for.”

      You: “p.s. “Energize” is spelled with a “Z”.”

      Me: Nope. English spelling. And for a reason. Try:

      echo “G E I R I S E N E” | awk ‘{ print $3″ “$2$8$7$4$1$5$6$9 }’

      … in a Linux terminal (see the anagram?)

    2. Did you mean that having a goal is better than reaching a goal?
      The trip is better than reaching the destination?

      I believe it’s great to reach a goal. You can always make new goals and reach.
      There is no limit how many goals you can reach.
      You can always take a new trip after arriving.
      That’s all up to you!
      Maybe next goal or trip will me more rewarding since you have experienced it before and can use that to add on the new goal and trip.
      I feel very often that I have started a new goal before you finish one (any size). And I feel very often that I can’t seem to put a border line to be the finish line of an accomplished goal. If I go to China and I arrive there I have finished a goal/trip.
      Where do you draw the line when you are fluent in a new language? I give a rat about a scoring test.
      That means someone is judging you rather for what you feel. That means you are boxed into an authority control and framed into their vocabulary.
      What the vocabulary you know that is not on the test?
      Anyhow energize is from you and should come out from your heart; not via someone else. You just explore and try and observe. Do trial and errors! If you get result you are doing the right thing. If you don’t get right result than it is something wrong.
      That basic “If you get result you are doing the right thing.” That was my survival in Scientology” that was the whole fundamental for me to realize that I was treated very badly insides the organization. I wasn’t getting result until I did it my way. I became more and more extroverted and I started to look around and I saw other students and staff failing to have a smooth environment.
      I feel proud of myself that I used that phrase and I sought for the truth for what was the truth for me. I could have ended up for being a puppet on the string of the Church of Scientology who were doggedly undermining me as a being and taking my money. If you can’t go through the front door you use the backdoor or the window.
      Everything you do is a process.
      You don’t have to have been in $cientology but the basic books help; but watch out for the subliminal mind control.
      Everything you do is a process and it takes the time you need to do it. It is not done over night. Your realities are always changing towards the ultimate truth.
      Personally I never really finished any course to my satisfaction. I was not allowed to apply what was right for my case and I know I was right because I was a seeker, and I had to energize for what was the truth for me. I did the bests I could in that entrapped environment that was pulling me down and not supporting me to go up. The more I spoke, the more they would pull me down. Another thing people always have better ideas than you; that’s the reason I don’t talk so much what I do when I seek and energize. The results will somehow show if someone observe. If you are with someone everyday you don’t realize that the person is taller than one year ago. Sometimes you see all trees green and one day you realize the leaves are all down. Meanwhile you didn’t notice it until someone told you; and you go “You are right? You might not see that your spouse got those wrinkles 2 years ago. Is that what is part of obnosis; I just thought of it?
      We all have our paths. If you do something against your heart it will give an adversary effect. That will make you pull back to the right path. Those are your traffic signs to pull yourself towards the ultimate truth.
      Anybody who says “It’s God’s will”; that means that the person is avoiding responsibility and that the person is lost. What about “We trust in God”
      What about this one; you see that on every US dollar bill and on every US coin; it says “IN GOD WE TRUST” (Who are we? Subliminal mind control?)
      It also says on the dollar bill “THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TENDER FOR ALL DEBTS, PUBLIC AND PRIVATE”. Do you have to have debts before you pay for a service or exchange?
      What is God to you? Maybe Isene Geir can post that question as a new subject.
      You will see misleading road signs as you seek and energize.
      I am not going back to read what I wrote; this is my spontaneous writing.
      Just SEEK and ENERGIZE!
      Do you understand why I like to jump read books? I want to read what I want to know and what interest me for the moment and what fulfills my goals. All the [menousha] empty talk in reading is not important unless you want recreational entertainment and deviated from being a seeker and a energizer. I admit I am not perfect; and I admit I am not smarter than a fifth grader (American TV Show to see if adults are smarter than 5th grader and the contestant can win money.
      My spontaneous writing;

      1. You: Did you mean that having a goal is better than reaching a goal?


        You: The trip is better than reaching the destination?

        Yes, usually.

        Because reaching a goal happens in a split second. Aiming for the goal can take a long time (of enjoyment).

        1. Fundamentally, when you win, you lose. The universe is set up that way.

          But when you lose, you also lose.

          Both the winner and the loser of a game “lose” in the end, by the ending of the game. When the game is over, all the players have lost the game itself. Then it’s time to start a new game so one can again start working on “scoring goals”.

          1. Valkov, you seem to think of the set up of the tax system of the sovereign law and how they use it “win to lose” and “lose and lose”! That is man made! Look on the other side of the coin!
            Hm, I don’t think it applies to the spiritual world.
            The tax system is God’s will for you to lose. Just joking!

          2. So, can you give me an example of when this might not be so? Don’t be fooled by the play on the word “lose”.
            It is not necessarily a bad thing, although apparently any game is better than no game to most people.
            But when the final buzzer sounds and the game is over, all the players have “lost” that particular game because it is over. That particular game no longer exists, it has been played and is now “history”, water under the bridge.

            In life, I believe at that point the person reverts to or flashes however briefly through Static. Then emerges from Static or generates or engages into a new game with a new goal or goals.

  14. Me too (a seeker) which is why I am attracted to your posts. The doubts and constant questioning, looking and postulating are energizing. Certainty brings stagnation. Thank you for directing possibilities of exploration.

  15. Geir: I so appreciate that you are so willing to share what happens along your path!

    I too am a seeker. I always have been. I was once totally immersed in reality, which I have now come to see as a wave collapse at a point of focus. I was once simply carried amid the myriad waves, totally immersed, with no sense of being immersed, an unwitting participant in subjective reality, fitfully aware of the wave collapse as past-present, the past locked and frozen as what was, the future unknowable as what will be. Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see…

    Now I find myself a witting participant, a living part of the waves of reality, rich in possibility, walking a path I choose/chose, unencumbered by fixed patterns of past reality, free to roam beyond the boundaries of subjectivity. And what do I find there? I find you and I am delighted.

    Its a new world. Its exciting. Its fun. Its full of love and joy and sometimes bliss. Awake and alive and aware. I do not think there is any going back to total immersion now, there is only “forward” to greater and greater awareness and life.

    What is the value of life itself? From where I am, what you do is infinitely valuable in and of itself as you energize and quicken from wherever you are.

  16. Damn! There are some great conversations here!

    Geir, to use a scientology concept, your post could be construed as somewhat of a “make yourself known” step of the Non-existence formula. Indeed, if one had won, or otherwise ended earlier, lower games and found himself at a higher point looking around for something to energise, one would have to learn what is expected from others one is involved with in a new restatement of a goal or a game, ie, “find out what is needed and wanted”.

    I thought I’d throw that out there and you are free to use or reject that observation.

  17. Geir, you mentioned in an earlier blog that you had been doing seminars and personal coaching, and I suppose this was the thing you were referring to as regards energizing others, on a stage. Is it actually an inspirational or motivational speaker that you have a calling for? And if so, is your question just a matter of who (which public) you want to motivate, and what you want to motivate them about? (Or am I way off the mark? 🙂 )

  18. “Seeker” is an identity, and like any other identity or beingness, it is created. Anything created may also be uncreated. So, “seeker” is an identity, which is not something permanent in my view. But “seeker” is a good stable datum while it lasts.

    I say this because I have been a seeker too, and still am. All Jnana Yogis are seekers. They are seeking total understanding. They are seeking the simplification of all knowledge. Anything not understood becomes a target until it is fully understood. In this process comes about interesting experimentation accompanied by voluminous creativity.

    Many who got into Scientology were seekers, because Scientology, by its nature, attracted such people. Scientology brought lot of seekers together. Many of them gather here on Geir’s Blog.

    But, underlying the identity of Seeker is the more fundamental urge of looking. That urge can be there without any identity because that urge may look at the identity itself and as-is it.

    What wonderful ecstasy it then brings!


  19. The following may be gotten out of PDC 24, by thinking for oneself:

    It is a matter of postulates. Postulates put something there. Winning then fulfills that postulate and removes it. One is then left with emptiness, which equates with loss. Thus, winning seems to be accompanied by a loss. Can postulating itself be a trap if one is afraid of emptiness? Does one postulate to get rid of emptiness?

    Free will is connected with the activity of postulating. The question then arises, “Does Free Will come about because one cannot stand emptiness or nothingness?”


  20. @ Vinaire

    I assume that you post on this blog because you want to, i.e. it is your own free will that brings you here, unless you somehow feel compelled to post here.

    Therefore I think you should answer your own question – does free will come about because one cannot stand emptiness or nothingness?

    I also assume that you have personally carried out your own exercises and followed your own advices. I assume that you do that of your own free will.

    As far as it goes I think that free will is inextricably involved in the decision to continue participate with others in this time-space paradigm, as each person on this blog does, indeed in this world. And perhaps it is simply a matter of rehabilitating free will. Free, that is.





    The paradox is that if this nothingness can be named then it is not nothingness. At least not in any terms understood in this paradigm.

    The paradox is that this nothingness is always present and is not present. For these are all terms understood in this paradigm.

    And the paradox is that neither you or I can say (put in words) anything to do with that nothingness for that nothingness is unexpressible. Once expressed, it is no longer that which is being expressed.

    I’m curious — how do you personally know that nothingness is the ultimate and most transcendant and holy state?

    Are you relying on your own experience or are you acting in faith on the writings of holy or enlightened ones, perhaps as written in the Vedas?

    1. @Maria

      Excellent question! What brings me to this blog is the tension in me for greater understanding.

      I think I post on this blog because there are other wonderful people posting on this blog, and this seems to help accelerate the search for greater understanding. I learn a lot by reading other posts and responding to them. I bet that responding to this challenging post of yours will make me aware of something new, which I don’t know at this moment.

      I question the very concept of free will. If one is not aware of being bound then one wouldn’t be aware of being free either. So, when one is looking at free will, one is looking from a viewpoint that is aware of being bound. I haven’t fully sorted out how that viewpoint springs in the very beginning.

      To me, the state of “before the beginning” is UNKNOWABLE. Probably, I should have asked, “Does Free Will come about because one cannot stand not knowing?” It is a rhetorical question to myself and to everyone else. I am glad that you responded to it.

      Yes, I try to follow my own advices and exercises the best way I can. I keep revising them for better results. I do that because I suffer from that tension for greater understanding.

      To me, “others,” “person,” “time-space,” are concepts that I am still seeking to understand fully. So, the tension for greater understanding has something to do with that “aware of being bound viewpoint” that I mentioned above. To relieve that tension would then be equivalent of being free. I am being driven by that tension, so I don’t think that I can call my will totally free. Yes, it is relatively free because I can direct it to some degree.

      “Nothingness” is probably not an accurate term. I am floundering around calling it “Nothing,” “Empty,” “Void,” “Unknowable,” etc. It cannot be referenced from anything that we are aware of, because it is actually the other way around. It is the reference of both awareness and unawareness.

      So, even when we use words for it, those words do not define it. That is a given. So, please don’t assume that my use of the word “nothingness” defines it.

      Yes, Vedas, Hinduism, and Buddhism point toward it in many ways. I don’t claim to fully understand it.

      Probably, when I understand it I would disappear from this blog, and maybe, from this universe too.


      1. Thank you Vinaire for your thoughtful and candid reply. I truly appreciate it!

        I have been considering continuity. Clearly the human body is in a constant state of change — as I type this to you millions of cells are born and millions die. And so it is that the body is completely formed of an entirely new set of cells every several years with segments having a much, much shorter life span. As I continue to perceive, it is through a multitude of “I’s” associated with one another, shifting in aspect / attitude / focus / ascendency. The world turns, aggregates upon aggregates, a virtually unlimited maelstrom of communication and existence, constantly constantly shifting. My cat is my cat and yet that being is not the same instant upon instant.

        I strip all away, all my associations. I take charge of this amazing shifting and evolving and devolving “me” and I notice I do this. A constant underlying awareness as I ransack, disqualify, amplify and so on these elements in flux. A powerful underlying state that has continuity despite change and shift.

        Just will. Not free or bound. Yet bound as focus shifts.

        That’s what has caught my attention, as I breathe the world.

        Is it “my” attention at all? Is it yours as well? Geir’s? The briliant sun? The tiniest breath of life in the deepest ocean? Can it be “mine” in all truth? Or is it all and nothing and connection at the deepest and most fundamental level?

        Glimmers for me.

        1. Beautiful poetry, Maria!

          It was watching each movement, each bit of emotion, each change in attitude, each flight of thought… that brought Buddha to the final realization that everything is in a flux, everything is short lived.

          Is SELF in a flux too? That deep reality, which we assume to be permanent, and with which we ultimately identity… is that in a flux too? Is it forever changing? Is every bit of it short lived?

          Buddha’s conclusion after a long and deep observation was, “Yes.”

          So, who is Maria? Who is Vinaire? Who is Geir? Are bits of us interchanging with each other?

          What a kaleidoscope we are?


  21. “There is only one way, really, to get into a state of living, and that’s live! There is no substitute for an all-out, over-the-ramparts, howling charge against life. That’s living. Living does not consist of sitting in a temple in the shadows and getting rheumatism from the cold stones. Living is hot, it’s fast, it’s often brutal! It has a terrific gamut of emotional reactions.
    If you are really willing to live, you first have to be willing to do anything that consists of living. Weird. But it’s one of those awfully true things that you wonder why one has to say it. And yet it has to be said.”

    L. Ron Hubbard

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