My weakness

There is one noticeable area of my life where I am weak. This is the area where I get most easily hurt, where I tackle situations irrationally and where I shed the most tears. I have added to my two quests to become better at handling these situations – because they hurt me and because they hurt others when I handle them badly.

I am weak in handling threats or actual damage to the relations I have with the people I love. Specifically; My relation to my sons, to Anette and to Brendan. Whenever something threatens these relationships, I really feel it in my guts. This is my most prominent “button” in life – the area in most need of betterment. This is where I need to learn to not give a fuck, where I need to take more responsibility, where I need to get my key back to my own emotions.

Your thoughts are welcome. I am a work in progress.

98 thoughts on “My weakness

  1. …from the movie “First Knight”
    A man who fears nothing is a man who loves nothing; and if you love nothing what joy do you have in your life?

    1. Hmm… I feel I have lots of love in areas where I fear nothing. There I can experience fully the Here and Now without any distraction of fear.

      1. Aah…I love sushi, football, and helping others…but don’t fear a loss there. But I share the same fear for my daughter that you speak of. The thought of that loss I can not confront without that same feeling in my gut you describe. Ask any parent I think you’ll find you are not alone

        1. I am sure I am not alone 🙂

          I would still like to loose the fear and damage from hits in those areas – so I can even here love fully without any distraction of fear 😉

          1. I have immense respect for you my friend…even thought we’ve never met. If you find how to love fully without the distraction…I’m all ears. My best…

  2. Saying “I am weak” is the first thing you need to change. You are not weak.
    Weak, compared to what?
    Why are you comparing?
    Where did that thought come from?

    You just want to change your position on that area.

    1. Fair point.

      Let me specify – this is where I feel weak, where I handle situations much less confidently and strongly (i.e. weakly) than in other areas of life.

  3. Have little time now, more in the evening…so just one question:
    What would you lose if Anette all of a sudden disappeared from your life? List them (only if you like).

      1. Geir
        You cannot “lose” love. The core of our nature is Love. It’s Your core, it’s Anette’s core, it’s anybody’s core. That’s the God’s particle. All you can “lose” is the activities you are creating together. And yes, you can “lose” future activities here “on Earth”, or at different “other” levels of existence with “her”. It’s also true for your “sons” and “Brendan”. In my reality the root of Fear is Thought. Beginning with the first
        consideration – that is the ” I ” (me). That’s the root of separation.When it’s gone, there is no separation (two “bosons” occupying the same space) and there is no “personal will” any more. There is just the Free Flow=Will=Creation. There is still the body and a little personality. If you go with the Flow, it shows in most cases how to “navigate” it. My reality. How is your reality different?

        1. Geir, dont forget to pack a compass before you go since it is the most important item when one navigates the vast sea of love..
          take god with you also… I have no idea what he will be doing unless he is a good cook than he can do the cooking..

            1. Interesting to observe that when one regains power ones postulates are just there. I see you have what you wanted and I am truly thrilled to see that it IS.. and here I am at 73 alone, of no family, no parter yet I have what I wanted and that is everything I ever wanted. I been searching waiting for this for a long time..and I have found where I belong I am home, soon I will be dropping the body.. the joy is mine…

            2. Eliz “..and I have found where I belong I am home, soon I will be dropping the body.. the joy is mine…”
              I certainly can relate to you my dear friend and spiritual ally? or consultant? or someone who just knows. As I age and know I am geting near with only so many years to go, I feel the same way. Seems only other forces keep me here to complete my tasks or probably is me wanting to complete them so I won’t have to come back. As with all of us on earth, it’s just a matter of time but infinity as a spirit. I’m so looking forward to it and yet enjoy by producing in the present time with my goal in mind. Always love to you and all….

            3. I knew you also understand.. I have found what I have come to Earth for… and I will take the tech with me, the most impostant part if it… Mind you it is already where it belongs, so many OT’s who audited the material they have contributted spreading the Tech.

            4. Hmm. I didn’t get to type up my question on this blog! The answer was already waiting when I checked in tonight: “Mind you it is already where it belongs, so many OT’s who audited the material they have contributted spreading the Tech.”

            5. Me happy too! Agreement is what it is – agreement. Maybe time to get out of it. There can be “more” to it. I am over the personal choice point of it….how about real “cooking”?

  4. Here is another advice that may against some of the advice above.

    “Observe things as they are, not just as they seem to be.” ~ Buddha

    .

  5. The root of fear is the concept/belief that a person has just 1 (or little/few) of something…scarcity, that is. So : create it in abundance! Whatever that is!
    What is visible, experienced is also too much focus on one thing/person/value etc. So: look around and find that in abundance in real life! Also, the “fear” of “inability” to create – in the mind, in life! More about it later…waiting for your list…or part of it if you find it personal…

  6. I see that you don’t have another answer as it arrived later than me writing my comment. Ok then, thanks. If it is all you get, then it’s fine with me. I’ll write something in the evening, busy now. Great post!!!!!

  7. Geir, I view the next thing happening as an iteration. I imagine that I hold some sway over my own iteration. Less over the iterations of others. I try to imagine and hold to a line where I imagine my iterations are on one side and “allow” their iterations to be on the other side.

    I try to do this with my children, my wife, and friends that I hope to hold close, and it helps to reduce my expectations. Expectations are a huge friction on my relationships. The closer I hope to hold someone, the fewer expectations I can allow myself.

    To the degree that I am mindful of this, my fear reduces. I could say que sera sera as an attitude as this covers the “don’t give a fuck” part. I don’t want to communicate a sense of irresponsibility. Rather, its being clear with myself where I think my responsibilities lie and then trying to stick to that.

  8. When I love people for myself then I seem to have fear. When I love people with admiration without thought for what that flow will return, I reduce fear since I am reducing my expectations.

    1. Chris
      Yes. You can even “be them”, body/mind/spirit. No fear, no loss. Love.
      Freedom. For me it’s not yet complete. Awakening but not full realization like in case of Adyashanti. That’s different, that’s complete.

  9. It is like a cybernetic control system.

    The fear, etc., is a danger control signal which lets you know that you need to cause the appropriate effect (sometimes doing nothing causes the appropriate effect) to avoid the danger.
    The intensity of the signal has a positive correlation with the intensity of the danger plus (*1) the intensity of the your love. I.e.: the bigger the danger, the bigger the signal; for the same danger, the bigger your love, the bigger the signal.

    The aberration is when the system fires (*2) the signal (in this case fear, etc.) when there is no danger, or when the signal intensity is not appropriate (it’s too strong or too weak).

    The solution you are proposing (“not giving a fuck”) will destroy the signal, which also will destroy the loving relationships you (plural) are enjoying. I.e.: if you don’t give a fuck about somebody, you also don’t have high affinity towards her/him.

    I fancy 3 solutions to your problem:

    1) Do some processing, so the signal and your response to the signal are not aberrated.

    2) If you have the ability to control the signal, then:
    ◦ Lower the intensity of the signal.
    ◦ Increase your sensitivity to the signal.
    ◦ Lower the signal’s threshold which will fire your attention and consequent response(s).

    3) If you were (near) Clear Theta Clear:
    ◦ As-is (erase) the part(s) of the system you don’t like.
    ◦ Create new part(s) (of the system) the way you like and with the kind of signal(s) you’ll like.
    ◦ Teach all your relationships how your system works, so they could interpret you and could interact with you without misunderstandings. (Of course you are going to lose some relationships because they may not like your knew system).

    (*1) Plus: I mean a function which adds but it’s not the same as the mathematical sum.
    (*2) Fire the signal: I mean event firing (like in object oriented languages).

    1. .. then you misunderstand the “not giving a fuck” part. It’s not about “not giving a fuck” about Somebody. It’s about Not Giving a Fuck about the problem, the fear, etc. It’s all in the previous blog post.

      1. It looks like with not giving a fuck about the problem, the fear, etc. you mean not experiencing the unpleasant sensations, etc. associated to the danger control signal. You mean taking action to avoid harm but not experiencing the unpleasant sensations. However, what I was trying to point out is that the associated unpleasant sensations are the danger control signal itself.

        1. Oh wow, Ferenc. I just had a great cog from your cybernetic control system. And it gave me a much better understanding of the last sentence in the LRH quote I posted below, which was this:

          “If he becomes an effect then he can later become ‘effected’ unpleasantly by counter-efforts.”

          It seems to me that the unpleasant effects Geir is experiencing are increased by his own counter-efforts to them – which he basically admits and expresses as “giving a fuck”. So the simple solution to those unpleasant sensations (the danger control signal, as per your system) is to not make any counter-efforts to them, which only strengthens them with more energy. Making NO counter- efforts would be the same as “NOT giving a fuck”. And actually this is how GEir himself helps people with his “Secret keys in coaching” – he gets them to “simmer down”!

          1. Good explanation, Marildiv.

            The “system” I’m talking about is postulates and considerations created by the thetan. With “cybernetic control system” I mean to analyze these postulates and considerations like a “system” (as defined in Wikipedia), with emphasis on the danger signal and the response to the signal.

            So, the “system” is based on “It is natural law that one cannot be aberrated without one’s own consent. One must wish to be an effect before he can become an effect.” (Marildiv 2013-02-06 at 20:40).

            “If he becomes an effect then he can later become ‘effected’ unpleasantly by counter-efforts.” (Marildiv 2013-02-06 at 20:40 & 22:54). The counter-efforts are part of an aberrated response. (Addressed in my possible solution #1).

            “Making NO counter- efforts would be the same as ‘NOT giving a fuck’”. (Marildiv 2013-02-06 at 22:54). It looks like a good interpretation of “this is how Geir himself helps people with his ‘Secret keys in coaching’ – he gets them to ‘simmer down’” (Marildiv 2013-02-06 at 22:54).

            1. Ferenc: “The ‘system’ I’m talking about is postulates and considerations created by the thetan.”

              Yes, I definitely saw the parallels to Scientology, I also saw the parallel of your system to quantum physics, which itself is completely parallel to Scientology, IMO. Both are all about energy and both include the “X factor” of the observer, the thetan. Also, your suggested solutions were all about the thetan altering postulates and considerations.

              You also said, “The counter-efforts are part of an aberrated response. (Addressed in my possible solution #1).”

              The counter-efforts that come from the bank and create irrational stimulus-response would obviously be aberrated. But I think more often it’s a matter of PT counter-efforts that come from the environment. For example, the kids get disappointed in their dad because he isn’t like someone else’s dad in some way. Or, the girlfriend doesn’t respond to Geir as he would have liked . And these things “hurt”.

              The reason they hurt (and to the degree they do) relates to the degree he desired good effects from the loved ones. Or, as you put it, “the bigger your love, the bigger the signal.” Anyway, that’s the way I see it. (Let’s see if Geir sees it that way! LOL) Thanks again for the inspiration. 🙂

  10. I always thought I was falling in love, and that it was the unique character of the relationship that brought it out, and to a greater or lesser degree, the result of the other person loving me in return. Reciprocation and exchange. Building ARC with others. I worked hard to create and protect those special relationships. I would be in love, be loving. I was also afraid of losing that special magic, disappointed when the others did not do the “work” to also create that special magic. Could they not see that it had to be maintained to be?

    And then my world fell apart, much like yours did Geir. Down to the ground, down to zero. My special man wanted nothing to do with me. At all. Ever again. Gone. And my deepest and most unstated, unrecognized fear realized, out in the open, where I could see it clearly.

    I sought to be detached, to be dispassionate, to not care. Attachment was the problem, yes? Well then I would not be attached. I would be perfectly reasoned. After all, it is all maya is it not? And if it is all maya, all just a game, all my manufactured reality then it has no value other than the value I give it. And no thing has any value, just the restless reflection of of soul reflecting endlessly. I was successful doing this. I withdrew from all attachment everywhere. The ultimate disconnection. And I died to the world, for there was nothing left, and no reason to continue. Void. Null.

    And from this state of absolutely nothing a truth emerged. Whatever love I had ever experienced, I had created. And so I made love. I MADE love to everything and to nothing at all. I allowed myself to fall in love with the little flowers by the side of the road, and the toothless old man walking down my street. I made love and I gave it away indiscriminately and with abandon, wordlessly and with every breath I took. I blessed everyone I met with love. No one was exempt. Or so I thought. And then I realized that this same love I gave so freely to others now, I must also give to me. I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and told myself, I love you. And I loved my little body and the living temple it is. And this great void filled with joy and wonder.

    Emotion came and went, anger, grief, regret, boredom, enthusiasm, washing over my consciousness like waves. And I made love. Gave love. And the more love I made, the more love I made and the more love there was in my life, throughout my life, throughout my world and old stultified patterns dissolved into nothing, rising to view and vanishing in love. And learned that love is not an emotion. It is a state.

    Now I am in love. Not in love with someone. Not in love with something. In love.

    If I falter in love, I make love. I give love. And love pours in from everywhere, for it is everywhere. It is the quintessential perpetual engine of creation and joy. I am never alone. I am never lonely. And as I do this my deepest fears arise and I answer them with love and they dissolve. Answers to my quests appear in my life, my answers to love.

    My advice. Fall in love. With everything and everyone and everywhere. Make no distinction, judgment, evaluation. Place no requirements on it. No restrictions. Make love. Give love. It costs nothing. Just a change of heart.

    Call it a grand experiment if you will.

    1. Trying to be detached is pretty much the same problem as being attached.

      As-isness of attachment is something very different. In that state one is neither attached nor trying to be detached. There just is a feeling of completeness to such a degree that it overflows. It is beautiful. It simply doesn’t matter if the other person stays or goes away. And because of that kind of attitude of letting the other person be, the relationship or bond amazingly stays and never breaks. That has been my experience.

      .

          1. Thank you Vin.

            Thinking over your banter with 2xmr, I mulled over how indoctrinated I am that the “spiritual” life is so very much superior; so very much more evolved than the “physical” life. That indoctrination wants to fill me with false and fixed assumptions to such a degree that until I notice and resolve the inconsistencies contained therein, I cannot begin to think clearly in those subjects at all.

            1. That is an excellent look.

              In my recent discussion with Nia on my blog, I realized that initially there is only knowledge and non-individual perception-point without any attachment or identification. There is no self, no logic, and no “personal considerations.”

              As attachment enters in, there come about considerations and logic (association) and hence self. Here meaning is given to the original knowledge.

              To me, that knowledge prior to any attachment would be ‘physical.’ As attachment enters in and considerations come out, we start to get self, spirit and spiritual.

              .

            2. I see space. I see high temperature spots (very high motion or energy). I see interactions. I see possible condensation. These things may or may not indicate increasing “attachment.” Attachment will be there to the degree I interpret it.

              No attachment = “seeing things as they are.”

              .

            3. Very good obnosis, but my question is what do you imagine that you see? You may answer “unicorns” if that fits for you. I imagined elasticity and attachment. If I blow a bubblegum bubble while looking in the mirror, the bubble looks kind of like that photo.

              Because of my practice of looking for what is, I am more aware than ever of when I am imagining or using my imagination. Thus, I seem to be able to enjoy my imagination more than I used to when I was more practical, stiff, and though I thought I was being accurate; I was really just being fixed in my thinking.

              I am old and won’t make a great deal of impact on others thinking so I feel free to wildly conjecture on Nature, though I feel a responsibility to say when I know I am doing that.

            4. The scientific method has to do with seeing what is there, and then making a conjecture about what else should be there (based on what is there). This ‘what else’ could be the relationships among what is there, or other details. Then one does experiments to confirm one’s conjecture with actual looking,

              So, I am happy to see you becoming more capable of making conjectures to fill in the holes in understanding. Make sure that you devise situations to see if those conjectures pan out. In physics one does physical experiments. In metaphysics one does thought experiments. The criterion is consistency.

              .

            5. Chris, yes. Non-duality. Don’t think. Be. Live. Live the spiritual as physical. Live the physical as spiritual. Liked what you write!

            6. Chris
              Thank you! Me too, yours! Close, warm, caring, wise…won’t go on as
              you will then “build” up a mind for today without which it is much better to function…kind of alive!

        1. Chris
          There is True Love in which attachment, detachment happen. With no labels like attractive and repulsive. No control. Zero. When there are no concepts like father-son, friend-enemy, man-woman etc.in the
          mind, one is free in those areas as well as the other people involved.
          Can be felt physially too at an energetic level. Happened to me as being a “mother”. Concept totally gone from me, “sons” are “free”. To see how it happened was like watching a miracle. To live like this is true liberation for all involved.

    2. My, my. Sometimes people express exactly what you mean yourself. I couldn’t have stated this otherwise I think, and so eloquently.

      I come to think of two things : Beatles’ “In the End” on Abbey Road,
      the fragility in the original version of the song above, sung by Buffy Sainte Marie. I wouldn’t say it’s better, it’s just … different.

      I think I understand truly what you mean Maria, been there etc., oooh, it’s painful, and exhausting, those are the really bad thing with feelings.

      I think that in relations it’s easy to connect it both to need and to the feeling that if the relation disappears, you’re are loosing something.

      … and in a way both things may be right, and not …

      Yes, I sometimes think of the pain I would feel if I lost my daughters, however I accept almost without a thought that they WILL lose me at some point in time …

      Right now (and I may change), I think that losing a relationship is one experience, handling the loss second, losing the next relationship a third, and so on. We have all that along the road and the really poor ones are those who never have had AND lost a relationship AND handled the loss.

      “Better to have loved and lost … etc”

      (or as the joker in me immediately brings forth …
      “Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall” )

      and this is where this post was meant to be … btw

      1. Very nice post, Tor Ivar. Funny too. 🙂

        You reminded me of another great Beatles song I’ll dedicate to Geir:

    3. Maria this comment was NOT FOR YOU!!!! “”Maria you just learned what is FEAR.. you have not grasped the meaning I have written about. you are parotting.. Fear has nothing to do with scarcity…””
      Sorry dear… I dont doubt for a second that you “”know..””

  11. Well I can see my Faster EFT link to be ignored. That’s all right, Faster EFT is not a panacea.
    But it seems to me, that you’re trying to handle on conscious level something that’s rooted deeply in subconscious. I don’t believe that that can be much successful.
    So the only advice I can give you: Get the feeling processed any way you can. The more direct approach, the better odds of success (so I don’t really mean OT IX).

    1. Hi profant.

      I had not heard of EFT and instantly thought of “electronic funds transfer!” I was very wrong. I tried for 5 minutes to browse the site and definitions. So, as you say, maybe not a panacea, but for those in need of yet another reason to experience the placebo effect, I see no reason to deny oneself.

      1. I was talking about Faster EFT though, not EFT. I don’t know if you used the link I gave above to a Faster EFT video or googled out some EFT site. We can speak about the placebo effect, why not, but one should understand what that means. There are several videos amongst those almost 700 where one can see the profound people’s changes that using Faster EFT caused. Usually just several session. I’ve never seen anybody changed so fast in scientology.

          1. This is a really good find Profant! I especially like the simplicity of the method and the introduction of NLP. And yes, it needs a new name but it probably won’t make any difference to its growth because he’s figured out how to train people using online and video tech.

            How long have you been working with it?

            1. Right, Robert is making sure through his videos that people will be getting the basics for free and disseminating for him and then formal training is a paid service.
              I’ve been following the videos almost a year, took a course a half year ago. Processed two other guys for real, both had great gains. But I should be taking more time for tapping on myself.

  12. Enjoy what you have.. your love.. Your creation and long as you put it there it will be there. Fortunate those who can create such a love and therefore can accept the same.
    The fear is there because in your eyes they are the most valuable, and you fear you might lose that. Very normal, you have something valuable and one only has fear if there is danger which might cause the harm or lessen the value or taken it away.
    Fear-value, these two concepts they cannot exist without each other.

    While one is here a bit of both is good to have.. Gear, I don’t have fears, you figure out the rest…

  13. Geir, my current “worldview” is that all of life, including the mind, can be expressed in terms of mechanics (physics). Even postulates create changes in the physical universe and the mind by means of mechanics. So I would say that there must be a mechanism for what you are talking about in the OP.

    I thought of a particular chapter of Handbook for Preclears (“The Thirteenth Act”), which is all about the mechanics of Cause and Effect. The first part of the excerpt below seems to be describing the mechanism you helped your son with to enable him to get back in control of his own emotions. The seoond part (or even the first) may relate to the phenomenon you’ve described in the OP.

    —————————————-
    “Blaming yourself or others for being a cause is to deny yourself full control of your facsimiles. You say somebody caused something. You make them RESPONSIBLE. They are then CAUSE.

    “This is a powerful position. It ends up with your having given them control over a facsimile or many facsimiles. If you blame somebody hard enough and long enough you have kept on electing them as CAUSE until they are much more powerful than yourself.

    […]

    “You desire to be an effect in some quarter and thereafter you may continue to be an effect and will go down the scale to a point where you may develop psychosomatic ills.

    “There are certain main spheres where one wishes to be an effect. Here we have the importance of aberration on the second dynamic, SEX. You wish to have the pleasure of sex. This is yourself electing yourself an effect. As an effect you can then be given pain on the second dynamic.

    “You wish to be pleasantly an effect in eating. You elect yourself an effect. You can hereafter be “effected” by pain in the food department. The basis of ulcers or any stomach trouble including constipation is the original desire to eat.

    “You wish to be amused and entertained. Thus amusement channels, sight, sound, rhythm, can become aberrated by pain.

    “It is natural law that one cannot be aberrated without one’s own consent. One must wish to be an effect before he can become an effect. If he becomes an effect then he can later become “effected” unpleasantly by counter-efforts.”

    1. M…. “”””It is natural law that one cannot be aberrated without one’s own consent. One must wish to be an effect before he can become an effect. If he becomes an effect then he can later become “effected” unpleasantly by counter-efforts.”””‘
      100% ‘ perfect. greate quote/

  14. Maybe feelings are feelings because we can’t control them. – Quote Gary Johnston, Team America

  15. Geir
    If one removes one’s expectations and labels, also one is present and gives a fuck to whatever expectation, label, fear, anger etc. nevertheless occasionally appear and gets into action, one is very close to the top.

  16. After reading your post I can only say, “trust your gut” and you got all the rest to be able to handle and be under control. But you know that! 🙂

  17. My, my. Sometimes people express exactly what you mean yourself. I couldn’t have stated this otherwise I think, and so eloquently.

    I come to think of two things : Beatles’ “In the End” on Abbey Road,
    the fragility in the original version of the song above, sung by Buffy Sainte Marie. I wouldn’t say it’s better, it’s just … different.

    I think I understand truly what you mean Maria, been etc., oooh, it’s painful, and exhausting, those are the really bad thing with feelings.

    I think that in relations it’s easy to connect it both to need and to the feeling that if the relation disappears, you’re are loosing something.

    … and in a way both things may be right, and not …

    Yes, I sometimes think of the pain I would feel if I lost my daughters, however I accept almost without a thought that they WILL lose me at some point in time …

    Right now (and I may change), I think that losing a relationship is one experience, handling the loss second, losing the next relationship a third, and so on. We have all that along the road and the really poor ones are those who never have had AND lost a relationship AND handled the loss.

    “Better to have loved and lost … etc”

    (or as the joker in me immediately brings forth …
    “Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall” 😀 )

  18. To each of you
    Does any of you know the real origin of the Bridge? Can it be that its source is somewhere at the beginning of the “time-track”?

  19. Life is impredictable.. But as long as you will never change your love for them, and consider the human quality of Anette, Brendan and your sons, I’m positive that nothing wrong could ever interfere between you and them 🙂

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