I have coached several hundred people in all walks of life. From executives of international companies and housewives to artists, top athletes and business people of widely different trades.
I have used many different tools and methods to help others. And the coaching has almost uniformly resulted in great success. But it is only recently that I managed to distill the reasons for success into two simple keys:
- Remain mentally fully present and uncover what the person really needs and wants. Find the goal of the coaching from the person, and not from your own assumptions or preconceived ideas.
- Help the person to not give a fuck.
Sure, there are perhaps many different aspects of life the person needs to tackle. But from my experience, a person’s inability to handle a situation is always linked to the person’s own tension, stress or drama. He simply cannot let go of being uptight about the problem. The problem is never that serious, and the less serious the person thinks the problem is, the better equipped he is in handling it. Usually, the person knows how to handle the situation, he only needs to let go of the up-tightness, simmer down and do what he knows is right. Sometimes the person needs some new knowledge – then I help him get that. But as long as the person remains uptight and serious, he won’t be of much use to himself.
And the best way to help the person not give a fuck is to get him to start doing something about the problem he is facing. Not to indulge in mental exercises, visualizings, meditations or other indirect attempts. A gradual tackling of the actual situation will help him see that the mountain is not unsurmountable. Get him to clean out the garage, talk to his wife, quit the job he hates, whatever. Tackle the main problem, not anything else. No beating around the bush. This will ease the tension. And he will relax. Finally, he will be on top of the situation, any situation. Be there for him. All the way.