Listening – Superpower: Tune in, really understand (OnePageBook)

The 6th OnePageBook™ tackles the skill of listening. Learn to tap in to your superpower with simple and effective concepts.

Understand others better. Your wife or husband, your kids, your family, your boss or collegues, a random stranger. Listen, and listen good. Get in there and really get it. And let the other person know you truly understand. Lift personal relationships to a new level.

As usual, this is a straight-to-the-point one pager with no beating around the bush.

Head on over to the OnePageBooks and get your copy (as an e-book on Amazon, or as a downloadable pdf).

Uncontrol

Businesses are concerned with controlling most aspects of operation. Finance, sales, manufacturing, logistics, projects, people, all kinds of processes, planning, even innovation. They don’t want to fail.

People are concerned with controlling most aspects of their lives. Money, job security, family time, kids, house, even vacations. We don’t want to fail.

Society is built upon the need for control. We don’t like when things spin out of control.

Control makes sure we don’t run into unknown territory. It keeps us safe.

It also hinders innovation. Precisely because it mitigates surprises by ensuring we keep out of unknown territory.

I advocate the occasional UNCONTROL. Just “letting go” may not be quite enough. We should sometimes make a conscious decision to uncontrol a situation. To really let it run its own course into uncharted territory. To let the project derail and let the sale cycle take surprising turns. To stomach the uncomfortable uncertainty, embrace failing and let new synapse paths connect.

Daring the unknown spurs innovation.

Letting go (of the horse)

It’s called Equine Assisted Coaching or Coaching with Horses.

In Ibiza, there’s one amazing woman, Gouwe de Waard, who is doing coaching together with Tanit – a horse. I guess the outcome of the coaching is unique for each and every one. For me it was a special exercize in letting go.

I got into the area together with Tanit. I’m comfortable with all kinds of animals, horses included. And so I started out establishing a connection with her. As I tried to communicate in a few dozen ways, Tanit was hell bent on eating. She ate, and ate, and ate and really seemed to not give a shit about me. In trying to communicate, the problem came down to the fact that I was trying. Whenever I tried to get her to move her head or look at me or call her toward me, I was pulling or pushing – but very gently. But that was enough for Tanit to lose interest in connecting with me.

It was when I finally let go – fully didn’t care – fully went fuck it – then she came over to me and stood beside me looking the same way I did. It culminated in several serene moments when we both stood there looking at each other or looking the same way. An amazing experience that confirmed to me the power of fully letting go.

Thank you Tanit. And thank you Gouwe.

#Fail

The next OnePageBook is here. This book aim to inspire you to fail more. And not just to learn from your mistakes – but for another, more fundamental and hidden benefit. But before you read the book, take a look at this inspirational video from SpaceX:


Get your copy of #Fail from the new OnePageBook page on this blog.

Coaching

I made a new page to make it easier to introduce people to my coaching. Always looking to simplify, so this page will change as my approach gets even simpler:

Source: Coaching

Excuse me!

Indignation, grumpiness, annoyance and aggravation, anger, fury and hate, worry and anxiety, fear and sadness, the silent treatment and bullying. These are all natural negative emotions. They are often easily explained. But are they justified?

Usually not. While there are occasions where it is rational to create any of the above mentioned emotions, they are few and far between. Given that you do in fact create your own emotions, blaming other for your creations is the fast track to lose control of your life. To regain control requires that you take responsibility for your own emotions.

Yes, people can treat you like shit. They can be rude, abusive and cruel. While you often cannot control what life dishes out to you, you can decide how you react to any situation. Like the apprentice asking his master fakir, “But Master, do you not feel the pain?” and the old man answered, “Of course I feel the pain. The trick is not minding the pain.”

Ask yourself is, “Does it help to be annoyed?”, “Does it help to worry?”, “Will it improve the situation if I get angry?” If it does help, then go ahead and be really annoyed, worry like hell or blow your top off. If it doesn’t help, then don’t give a fuck.

It’s easy enough to say this, but to live it requires lots of practice. Every shitty situation presents an opportunity to practice not creating an emotion that only adds negativity to the situation.

Celebrate improvements. If it takes you a bit longer before you get pissed, then that’s improvement. If it takes one more insult before you feel hurt, then you’re doing better. Keep practicing and you’ll keep moving toward more control of your life.

The motto: “Only do that which helps. Don’t do that which doesn’t help.

While negative emotions can be considered natural and easily explained, they shouldn’t be excused.