Business people, salesmen, game theory mathematicians, Donald Trump and negotiators would advice you to get the best deal possible. And the best deal would often amount to getting the biggest share of the pie that you can possibly get.
While that strategy may get you rich when selling refrigerators to Eskimos, it is not the best long term strategy for a partnership.
Whenever you try to get a bigger piece of the pie, the other parties gets less. And their motivation for baking pie suffers proportionally.
Trying to get the “best deal” by getting an unfair portion may be a viable short term strategy. But in the long run it kills partnerships.
The best way to ensure affluent pie making and long term profit is for every party to insist on a fair deal for everyone involved.
The best strategy is not to simply cater for one’s own interests. It is to cater for everyone’s interest. Putting my interest first hurts the other parties’ interests and kills off that much motivation to make the partnership work in the long run.
The best strategy would be to impress as much as you can by delivering value to the partnership as often as you can. Give life to the partnership by continually giving and insisting on a fair deal for everyone involved. Empathy, transparency, putting all cards on the table and dropping all chess gaming are keys to a good partnership. Don’t do tactics. Don’t do strategies. Just ensure everyone succeeds.
“I am struggling in my job. I don’t know if I should quit my job or continue. And if I continue, whether I should focus on this or that or the other thing. Is this type of work even for me? I feel exhausted. Not much positive feedback, and I don’t really know if what I’m doing is valuable for the company, for any customers or for other employees. I feel kinda lost. What should I do?”
He looked at me across the table. Across his cup of coffee, and mine. I started out slowly:
“You know, there’s stacks of books written about this, countless methodologies and coaching practices addressing these kinds of issues.”
He looked eagerly at me, waiting for some book or methodology that would match his complex problem. Some kind of intricate way of resolving his issues. But then I went on:
“But really, it boils down to just one simple concept. Just one.”
He looked sorta disappointed. Like I was about to invalidate his complex problem or insult his intelligence.
“You only need to impress.”
“Yes, impress your customer, your boss, your colleague, your wife, your kids, yourself. But impress by delivering something of value. Impress your customers in every meeting. Impress your colleagues every workday. Impress your kids by really playing with them when they bring out the Lego. Impress your wife in bed. Impress by delivering. Unconditionally and as much as you can. If you do this, you’ll be doing good. And this is all you need to do.”
After coaching lots of people on this (myself included), I’ve boiled it down to four simple questions that will get you close to most people in a matter of minutes. For this to work, you need to open up yourself and reveal your own answers to these questions along the way. A free two-way flow creates good trust, knowledge of the other and a basis for friendship or beyond. Try it out on some strangers and tell me how it went. But remember, be direct, blunt even – no beating around the bush:
- If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?
- What are your 5 strongest sides?
- What are your 2 weakest sides?
- What have you done in life that has given you the worst conscience?
Get answers to these and share your own and you will both know if you have a potential friend right there.
- Decide to learn something new from every experience in your life
- Experience a wide variety of situations
You never lose. You either win and learn or learn.
I am continually simplifying and refining how I coach people.
Here’s a HyperList that sums up my current approach:
0. Be direct in the coaching. Speak your mind. Always
1. Ensure the person realizes that he is creating all his thoughts and emotions
This will enable him to take full responsibility for what goes on in his mind
It will help him to not blame others for what he himself is responsible for
2. Ensure the person is able to be fully mentally present
Get the person to read “Mental training – The core”
Train the person to be “here & now”
3. Establish the person’s “Two lengths of the pool” (2LP)
Assess his strengths and weaknesses in accomplishing his 2LP
4. Do what it takes to help the person accomplish his 2LP
There are several tools that can help, such as:
Unburdening stress and exercize liking everything
Failing and learning more
Or the short form:
Realizing he is creating all his thoughts and emotions
Exercize mental presence
Establish his 2LP
Accomplish the 2LP
This is a direct copy of Ed’s latest blog post. I wholeheartedly agree:
“Many people have clear goals. These people often will write down there goals, then break them down into sub-goals and actions necessary to achieve those goals. They then draw a long line between where they are now and where they want to be. And, as anyone who has had basic geography can tell you, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Detours only make the journey longer and less efficient. So, the argument goes, the best way to achieve your goals is to make a clear plan; a linear plan, moving daily one step closer down the long straight line toward your goals.
Now, while this may be an excellent way for many people to live a fulfilled life, I’ve not found this method to be most suitable for me. Rather I have taken another approach; a non-linear one. I wander around and collect new experiences. I seldom walk in a straight line for any length of time. I detour often. And as I do this I’m awake to the opportunity to accumulate and learn numerous new skills, attitudes, ideas, ways of viewing things, approaches, etc. Then after some time I stop up for a while and assess where I’ve been and what I’ve learned. I look ahead to see if any new challenges might match the new skills, etc I’ve acquired. Then I take a hop in that direction and start accumulating new experiences in that general area.
The road is created as I walk on it. This is probably not the best method for everyone, but maybe for some? Let me know what you think 🙂 ”
Amnesty International is catching on in this wondeful video: