I used to feel most harmonious alone. Away from the intentions of others to change me, shape me or nudge my ways just the slightest in some direction. Away from explicit of unspoken criticism, silent treatments or looks of disapproval.
I have since a long time now felt great alone. Total harmony, no issues, no unwanted (by me) thoughts or behavior. Great bliss.
I am a rebel, yes. But with a cause. Not conforming to certain norms or set behaviors. Not using the fork correctly, talking to the right people at the right times or utilizing the appropriate phrases at conservative social gatherings. All true. But in turning the table, I wouldn’t care. It didn’t matter to me if people were conforming, if they were socially odd or spent too much time playing Lego with the kids instead of talking to the right people at the wedding party.
Very seldom did I feel that I could be myself fully. Nowhere was this more true than in the Church of Scientology. One step out of the party-line, and it was straight into an interrogation interview with the Ethics Officer. And as I progressed up through the upper spiritual levels of Scientology (the OT levels), the demands for conformity grew beyond that of the old East Germany, the DDR.
I got fed up of the frowning or disapprovals. I quit the church. I got new friends. And tolerance became a most wanted quality in people I spend time with.
As I write this, there are a few people that I feel I can be completely free, myself and in harmony around and with. These are the people that when I am with them, I feel on par with being alone. Brendan and Anette are such remarkable people of tolerance. Grand and generous.
I will continue to seek out the grand and generous – an ongoing quest.
Would you like to share the qualities you seek in others?